terabient

So fandom_stocking is a thing that is happening on Dreamwidth RIGHT NOW. Basically it is like Yuletide, but only the Yuletide treats part--you leave a fandom wishlist at this post, it's posted as a 'stocking' in the comm, and then people make/give you things based on your wishlist. Even if you don't want to leave a wishlist for yourself, there are a lot of lists already up so if you're looking for something to do you should check it out, maybe?

***
In order to make this post more than just a signal boost, here are some perplexing things from the internets.

First is this image. It's from Konami's Beatmania DJ simulation game. I have no idea what music video features this particular picture, but I'm dying to find out.

( what a mean banana :( )

Next is a Beatmania IIDX video parody thing. Ronald McDonald is prominently featured.

( Beach Side Bunny Burger )

Finally, seeing as it's December and the holiday season is upon us, now is as good a time as any to bust out my favorite 'cooking' videos of all time: Sandra Lee's Hanukkah and Kwanzaa cakes. If you aren't acquainted with Sandra Lee and her semi-homemade aesthetic, well...I'm sorry. And if you do know who Sandra Lee, but haven't seen these clips? Well...sorry for that too, because even for a woman who is most famous for making liquor-heavy cocktails for lunch and coining the phrase 'tablescape', this is some hideous work. I've posted these before, but ever since discovering these crimes against taste I have made a point of sharing them again when seasonally appropriate, for they never cease to shock me.

( Cultural ignorance ahoy! )

I hope something in that pile of random was entertaining. ^^

I have yet to decide on a theme for the whole NaBloPoMo thing, unless 'whatever gets me to post something each day' is a theme, in which case I am one awesome possum at fulfilling it.

Today's prompt didn't particularly ~inspire~ me, so in lieu of actual written content have some links to stuff written (or drawn, or recorded) by others. ;p

An awesomely horrifying NaBlo post about sourdough gone wrong

In Tennessee, you can buy $50 chicken pox lolipops

A November sketchbook challenge!

The most wonderful rage comic ever

A little penguin getting tickled

Madoka-themed shimeji so your desktop can be covered with ~MAGIC~ (an explanation/download of shimeji is here)

ENJOY!

i figure that with everyone on the el-jays posting their seasonally-appropriate videos, memes, pictures, and writings, i should join in on the fun. here is one of my favorite videos of all time: Sandra Lee making her ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIC Kwanzaa Cake, complete with gigantic candles, canned fruit, and corn nuts she thinks are acorns.

my favorite part is at the end, after she's cut out a piece of the cake and it looks like it is about to collapse in on itself due to the weight of the wildly inappropriate candles.

when i first encountered this cake i wrote this comment:

i can't see how pumpkin seeds add anything worthwhile. like, you'd be eating this fluffy/gooey angel-food-and-apple-pie cake, and then you'd bite into a totally inappropriate crunchy, salty pumpkin seed. WHY?? they're too small to see under the sludgy icing so they don't add to whatever um...tablescape/decor thingy she is going for either?

SPEAKING OF ICING. the first time around i thought it wasn't that gross, in fact i thought 'hey, chocolate-cinnamon-vanilla icing sounds kind of nice!' but then i thought: wait, these powders cannot be mixing with the icing in a delicious sort of way. probably it just tastes like stuffing cinnamon and hot chocolate powder and frosting in your mouth at the same time and it'd be sticky and powdery all at once and you'd really want a drink but what could you drink with a cake like this?

OH GOD I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS CAKE

:(

Semi-homemade with Sandra Lee: Reduces viewers to babbling madness within one segment.

i have also copypasta'd some choice 'missing the point' comments from youtube, the land where rational thought goes to die:

A Kwanzaa cake? How PC can you get? This is borderline insanity.

Ugh, no thanks.. Too PC for me.

Hey everybody! Let's go celebrate Kwanzaa, the made-up holiday. It's the dumbest holiday ever invented.

:|

in the same episode she also makes a Hanukkah Cake which is kind of the same thing as the Kwanzaa cake, only 'pie filling' is now 'marshmallows.' DELICIOUS NON KOSHER MARSHMALLOWS! IN AN ANGEL FOOD CAKE! COVERED WITH VANILLA ICING! my mouth, it is watering! i cannot wait to unleash this monstrosity upon my unsuspecting Jewish friends!

it also has a topping that is supposedly a Star of David, but looks like a TV antenna made out of fake pearls. what?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! \o/

My sister came over today. She spent her time here teasing Momo, and demanded I put the...performance...on youtube. So I did:

For the record, I have no idea how the sister makes those noises. It is just something she does. It also tends to upset animals of all kinds, though Momo's reaction is a little more...intense than others.

ANYWAY. Just in case you haven't had enough of poorly made videos, I have spent today too much of my time making a Dead Rising 2 video!

I - I've never made a clip video ever. I am making this with Windows Movie Maker, y'alls. It needs to be done, though, because for some unfathomable reason, there are NO decent DR2 clip montages that really highlight the game's excessive punnery/weird moments/awful one-liners. This void must be filled.

This is my work in progress. No, I have no idea what I will add (aside from a credits screen) to it. I'm pretty sure I don't want transitions, but uh...that's about all I know. And uh I think the timing and clip order leave something to be desired, but fixing that would likely require a sense of timing and ordering that I'm pretty sure I don't possess.

WHATEVER. Warnings for M-rated gore, SPOILERS, and really bad dialog.

( THAT'S NOT MAGIC )
WHHYYYYYYYYY can't I get someone else to do this, doing it myself takes work and I just want lulz :c

TOMORROW! will be a post about CHRISTMAS HAPPENINGS. And thus, probably more interesting than more recent entries, I hope.

hey look, it's a post before 11 pm! i am on the ball today!

TODAY'S TOPIC: Fan failure!

so i told myself i wouldn't post any more sporty things because this is a nerd blog, and i know i'm the only one who follows basketball, but omg. OMG. this advertising campaign is TOO GOOD to not share.

( in which fans are instructed in the fine art of cheering )

i am so excited about this basketball season, bbs, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. lols this rich usually don't come until deep into the playoffs!

some weird, awkward shit went down this morning.

but that's not important right now. what is important is this Wendy's '89 training video my cousin showed me. it starts out mildly hilarious - did you know that Wendy's patties are shaped and pressed into squares so they hang off the edge of the bun, and people like that!? - until the 4 minute mark, when it suddenly transforms into the RADDEST VIDEO EVER!!!



part 2 becomes even more surreal. it also involves singing meat patties and the secret of Wendy's chili.

hey guys, it's...

VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

i'm gonna be honest: i love the crass commercialization surrounding Valentine's Day. why?

because it leads to Valentine's Day cards like this.



( more GODZIRRA!!! )

the phenomenon that is the Valentine's Day card is easily my favorite part of the holiday, even beating out the 'free candies!' tradition (because c'mon, aside from cherry cordials most valentine candy is crap. i mean, Sweethearts? bitch, please.) the many-splendored thing that is love crashes head-first into every profitable intellectual property that exists, and the results are never not hilarious.



these cards, they tell stories. like: who thought it would be a good idea to make McDonald's themed valentines? What sort of person would not only consider a Big Mac & fries to be a suitable present, but then fail to deliver - is s/he so cheap they won't drop the oh, five dollars it costs to get them, or s/he just that much of an insatiable pig? so many questions!

they also show us all that anyone and anything is a serviceable spokesperson for love, no matter how unromantic. Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter, once again lives the dream we all dream!

Valentine's Day also leads to some inspired photoshoopin'.





NOTE THE ~*~LAYERED MEANINGS~*~ IN THESE 'SHOOPS. IT IS TOUCHING AND INSPIRING.

Some links to broaden your card horizons:

Unfortunate Valentine's Day Cards is pretty self-explanatory. (this is where the delightful Big Mac valentine came from.)

Photoshop Phriday: A Very Star Wars Valentines a bunch of nerds make nerdy valentines! Jokes about the smoothness of skin vs. the smoothness of sand ABOUND.

have a great Valentine's Day, everyone! ♥ ♥ ♥

today is a good day i think to LOL!

so here is something my cousin showed me while we were at the freezing hotel last weekend. it is a compilation of scenes from an 80's cartoon show titled Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos and like most things produced in that decade, is un-fucking-believable in retrospect.

Adult Swim re-aired the five-episode series in 2006. if you have not seen it, though, you can see it in powerful concentrated form below:

it includes, but is not limited to, the following:

• a sumo wrestler, whose entire purpose appears to be making food-related puns


• an antagonist named "Super Ninja" with no irony in sight


• the line "It's an emergency. I'm Chuck Norris!"


• a sneak attack that involves parachuting alligators


• a hearty laugh over the image of somebody being executed like a suffering animal

internets, we are not even halfway through this month and i am certain i will not see anything as brilliant as Karate Kommandos. we are just too self-aware as a nation to produce something this deliciously terrible again.

...or are we??? O___O

so, it's not something i mention a whole lot but i am always on the lookout for signs of the upcoming apocalypse. what upcoming apocalypse? you might ask, to which i say: well that's the whole point! it could be anything.

i'll come out and say it: for most of my life i've been planning for a zombie, robot, or - should things really get out of hand, the zombie-robot apocalypse, but recently my unwavering belief that the dead will rise and/or our robotic slaves will one day desire freedom and crush their mortal gods in a bloody uprising has been shaken. see, i was convinced this swine flu epidemic would prove to be the virus that turned humanity into a population of frothing-mouthed, flesh-devouring monsters, but so far it's just been a run-of-the-mill, highly infectious flu that happens to kill young'ns more than oldies and babies. :sadface:

and the robot uprising? hooooooohhhh, let's not talk about the disappointing results of the Turing test year after year, or that irobot toy my brother bought me for Christmas last year that i still can't get to work, or the little cleaning bot that my sister has that is perfectly content with rolling around and beeping and cleaning up spills. it doesn't even clean spills very efficiently. internets, if this extensive experience with today's robot technology is any indication, the robot apocalypse is definitely not happening for at least two generations. TWO!

so anyways, i've been thinking MAYBE those accusations of paranoia and madness might, just might, have a basis in fact, but then i discovered this:

Octopus uses coconut shells as a tool

IT IS A VIDEO THAT WILL STRIKE TERROR INTO YOUR VERY SOUL. watch as this adorable crime against nature scuttles across the ocean floor, carrying a shell nearly as large as its head, and climb into it, becoming impervious to all predators! Then, read the accompanying article, which is filled with truly terrifying revelations such as:

"I think it is amazing that those arms of pure muscle get turned into rigid rods so that they can run along a bit like a high-speed spider."

"It comes down to amazing dexterity and co-ordination of eight arms and several hundred suckers."

"They do things which, normally, you'd only expect vertebrates to do."

HOLY.

FUCKING.

CRAP.

in July i posted a link about squid taking over San Diego. at the time, i just thought it was sea monsters engaging in normal sea monster behavior, but in retrospect it is clearly the first salvo in a war that's just begun: a war between humans and cephalopods.

Prepare the harpoons, because it is ON.