terabient

One of my guilty pleasures is watching reality tv shows, specifically the fix-it type shows where failing businesses are visited by a person with a lot of experience in running said business. (See: UK Kitchen Nightmares, Tabatha's Salon Takeover, Bar Rescue) They're not something I make time for or DVR or anything, but I like to put them on when I'm doing something like cleaning or cooking or whatever, so there's something interesting but not distracting while I work.

SO, there's this new Fox/Gordon Ramsay show called Hotel Hell and it's basically Kitchen Nightmares, but with hotels instead of restaurants, and I wasn't planning on watching it because the Fox-produced Ramsay shows are pretty awful to watch because they're basically 45 minutes of screaming and crying and outrageously obtrusive music/narration. (Master Chef being something of an exception.) BUT I had to clean the kitchen today, and the show was on On Demand, so I watched the two-part premiere episode.

and omg, it was, oh wow I do not know how to describe it. Like, it was actually kind of awesome, but not because of the format? (One nice touch: Ramsay handles the narration, not some annoying state-the-obvious voice-over.) Basically the owners were such bizarre and abject failures that the tropes of reality tv storytelling could not contain their weirdness. Also the business in question was a Vermont bed-and-breakfast, and having stayed at two Vermont BNBs, I could totally call bullshit on a lot of the excuses the owner came up with in regards to how BNBs are 'expected' to operate.

( a decidedly unsophisticated summary/review )

so, every time i make a personal commitment to do something, uh, internetty, for lack of a better term, like this blog once a day thing or finish some mediocre fanfiction or doodle shit or whatever, my life - which until said decision had been content to be a gaping hole of boredom and suck - decides it would be a really great time to become ~eventful~ once again. And it's never, you know, one or two ~events~, it's like the universe is making up for lost time and crunching three or four months' worth of THE HAPS into a week. And I am like: "Why, Fate? Why?"

Then I stop because talking to nonexistent entities, like multiple exclamation points, is a sure sign of a diseased mind, and also counterproductive to my current task of filling out a sea of paperwork in which i must give detailed answers to the question Why do you fail so hard at life?

If you are wondering what i am going on about, don't. because i'm not quite sure i know, either, only that i have been doing it for the past uhhhh three days i believe.

***
in other news, i think i have a book problem.

( book stack )

Out of that to-read pile, i've only finished The River Ki, The Stranger, and What is the What; I've started Dracula: Prince of Many Faces, Dracula's Guest, Kraken, 2666, and P.S. Your Cat Is Dead. Which sounds ridiculous, i know, but my reading sessions go something like this:

"Hey, self! You know what sounds like a smashing good read? Victorian vampire fiction!"

*30 pages in*

"You know what, I am just not feeling up for fictional vampires today. I'm going to read about the real Dracula!"

*30 pages in*

"Okay, let's be honest, even Dracula can't salvage dry history texts. Time for some giant squid cult action!"

*30 pages in*

"Fuck, could this narrator be any more of a hipster douchebag? Gawd. I'm going to read some real literature."

*30 pages in*

"Oh. I forgot a hundred pages describing nothing but the passage of time as expressed through the changing of seasons is the calling card of Japanese writers. Fuck this, I'm going to watch some douchebags fail at life on tv."

And thus, five books started, no books finished. MISERY AND WOE!

***
CLUMSY SEGUE!

Anyway, I was planning to dick around on XBL like I usually do last night, BUT i had completely forgotten that there was a SUPER IMPORTANT BASKETBALL GAME between MAH TEAM the Celtics and the Miami Superfriends that i had to watch w/ assorted RL semi-friends. I do like to pretend i have some actual, flesh-and-blood people i can tolerate for the approximate length of a basketball game, and also i genuinely enjoy b-ball, so i resisted my first inclination to ditch everyone for the joys of the interwebs.

And man, i was NOT disappointed.

Since I'm pretty sure 0% of my flist is interested in basketball, i'll try to keep the summary to the juicy drama: the Miami Heat Superfriends currently has the NBA's most self-indulgent player, Lebron James, on its roster. How self-indulgent, you may ask? Well, he had an hour-long ESPN special broadcast that was basically about how fabulous he was as a human being, and so that he could destroy the city of Cleveland with this really awkward announcement of his move to Miami:

( the show was called 'The Decision.' With capital letters and everything, for added gravitas and/or asshattery )
Seriously. "Taking my talents to South Beach." Who talks like that? Assholes, that's who.

Anyway, the Miami Superfriends are were supposed to be *the* team to beat this year, with people predicting 72+ wins (in an 82-game season) and all sorts of jackassery. Currently, though, they are 5-4, and they lost last night in the *best* way possible: a massive, embarrassing meltdown in the face of a monstrously good Celtics performance. Basically, I got both the childish glee of watching my favorite team perform high-flying dunks and ridiculous ally-oops and ninja passes and all sorts of cool things while also indulging in the sweet, sweet taste of schaudenfreude that comes from watching the 'best player in the league' brick a three-pointer by hurling the ball off the backboard. A+++++ game, Miami!

AND THEN! After the game my favorite player ever, Paul Pierce (seriously i have his jersey and wore it last night and everything it is kind of embarrassing because it hurts my geek cred) used the Amazing Technology of Twitter to start some awesome trash talking:

( tweet tweet ;D )

AWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAH

Also after the game he was wearing some pretty rockin' glasses that made me :)

( glasses )

4 minutes before i miss the day! PHEW.

the first story i heard driving home today was this:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2009/07/hometown_corruption.html

the summary: 40+ public officials in New Jersey - including mayors, state assembly men AND 5 rabbis - were arrested on money laundering/bribery charges today. aside from the sheer number of people involved, the case also sports the following absurdities:

-There were so many arrests the police needed two buses to transport everyone to the FBI office.
-It took over an hour for the prosecutor to list all of the charges brought against every individual.
-One of the mayors took office less than a month ago - in an election so close it was decided by 161 votes.

seriously: holy fucking shit.

i mention this only because about halfway through the NPR broadcast - when they started talking about busloads of arrested officials - i had to pull over because i lost it and started laughing hysterically. i shouldn't, of course, but this went from 'tragic failure of US government system' to 'high comedy' really fast.

then again i don't live in New Jersey, so it doesn't really affect me. one of my college roommates *does*, but i also hated her, so i guess this is a win-win for me?



...i am a horrible person. :)