terabient

I finished one thing I intended to finish but I hate it so much in its current state that I can't bring myself to post it. RIP in pieces me

Consoling myself with the fact that I can just, you know, keep working on things through the rest of the year, or however long it takes to lose interest finish. I don't have to abandon writing something just because I didn't finish it in an arbitrary period of time, or hate the first (or second or third) draft of a particular bit.

I also work fewer days this month, which theoretically should help with the whole "too tired to think creatively" problem I've been experiencing, but I also host Thanksgiving now so...I'm already going to have to earmark a lot of that time for prepping the house for guests. so idk maybe nothing will be done in November either.

i'm only 2 days into working as a medical bus monitor and man. i don't know if i can do this for 180 days...

waking up early is the bane of my existence. and since it's the beginning of the year, i am spending a lot of time after work helping to coordinate services for students over the phone, plus making dinner, and it feels like i've done nothing but work and sleep. i basically quit working in long-term care facilities so i wouldn't have to work this way but here i am, 3 years later, still working this way.

hoping that the afternoon bus route runs a bit smoother after this week but waking up at 5AM is permanent. siiiiiiiiiiigh

Today at school:

CHILD: *comes up to me with a baby doll*

ME: Hello!

CHILD: *holds up baby and shakes its arm* HIIIIIIIIIIII!

ME: Is this your friend?

CHILD: *stares, then hurls the baby to the ground* HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

ME: Oh, is baby all done?

CHILD: *cackles, then runs away*

★ Today at school one of the speech therapists said an "unidentified child" had come to the school and needed specialist testing to determine their ability level. I'm guessing she means a parent who didn't do the proper enrollment process and just showed up at school with their kiddo, but the way she was talking it almost sounded like an unknown child had just wandered in, looking for a classroom...I do hope the kiddo ends up where they need to be. It's possible they'll be in our class tomorrow since we have the best (but still short-handed) staff - student ratio at the moment.

★ Kinktober update: Hit 5000 words which is not exactly a lot for two weeks of writing, BUT considering how the longest thing i've ever written was just shy of 10,000 words and that took, i think, almost a month? It's pretty good for me. I feel decent about hitting my very modest goal of "finish and post something...anything...in the month of October." 😁

And while I won't be able to post something every single day, I think it's possible to have enough to post something each week? Maybe not the first week, but everything after that? I'll have to be more disciplined with the way I use my free time next week, and i don't have much discipline or free time.

★ I played a very charming, in-browser puzzle game, Spell Blocks. It's based on an entry for METEOR's My Famicase art show, where people submit their concepts for Famicom game cases. I have a deep fondness for these kinds of puzzle games, and I enjoyed how tricky it can be to build the 4-block spells. Its become a go-to activity if I'm feeling moody and need to do something fun for a few minutes to mentally reset.

★ Last week the student I work with one-on-one cut her math worksheet in half and tried to pass off one half as the whole sheet. This is one of the cleverest things I have ever seen anyone do and while I made her do the other half of the sheet I really wanted to....not do that.

★ I've only been working at this school for a month and I've lost count of how many times I've been asked about staying on during summer school or next year. I can't give anyone an answer since I'm working through a placement agency, and the only reason I'm working at the school is because the district underhired at the beginning of the year and now they're scrambling to put bodies in classrooms. So, IN THEORY, the district will hire at least slightly more people than they did this year, as hiring LNAs through an agency is Not Cheap, but in practice it sounds like nobody is applying for open positions so maybe??? I will be here for summer school/next school year???? I don't mind but I am not impressed by the school district's personnel practices.

★ Since I've been paring down my physical video game collection for the past few months, my backlog has gone down considerably, and I'm trying to set aside at least an hour a day playing something instead of looking at a shelf full of stuff and getting overwhelmed by it. I've started several games, though I haven't finished any of them yet. I've sunk the most time into Tactics Ogre, which I never played when it first released on the PS1--I love the storyline so far but grinding new classes has become excruciating, so I'm taking a break for a few days. Whoever decided all classes start at level 1 should be punch...er, ashamed of themselves.

★ BORDERLANDS 2 HAS A NEW EXPANSION AND IT'S FREE AND HOPEFULLY WE LEARN WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP WITH THE END OF THE PRE-SEQUEL \o/

I'm not looking forward to the raised level cap tho, the exponential scaling made getting to level 72 one of the most painful grinds I've ever experienced. It's been years since I last played BL2 and in retrospect, the whole "overlevel" thing, and having it gated behind the Digistruct Peak arena, was a really weird way to handle the issues created by exponential scaling. I was hoping they'd ditch it in BL3 but I'm fairly certain they confirmed exponential rather than linear leveling is still in effect. :(

★ Meme: For ten days, I post an image from a video game that has impacted me without a single explanation and nominate somebody to take the challenge.

Chrono Trigger

I put in a bunch of job applications last month, which means this month has been a lot of interviews. I've had two places decline already (oh well) the rest are undecided because it takes like a billion years to get through the hiring process in health care. There are a few other places I'm thinking of applying to, but they're either farther away, basically my old job but with a different agency, or sound a bit too uh...new-age....for my tastes, going by their mission statements. But a job is a job, and if nothing pans out locally I guess I'll have to look elsewhere.

anyway, since I'm basically waiting or calling people back all day, I've had a lot of time to...do nothing, really. Except play games even more because what am i doing with my life.

★ In Downwell I can get to the normal mode boss with some consistency, but I don't know if I'll ever get to a point where I can beat it...I get there with about 6-8 HP, then blow through it really fast because I can't keep track of where I am on-screen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I was using the floaty style at first for easier combos but now I use the arm spin for the guaranteed gun modules + the health/ammo upgrades they give. (also i just really love the sprite animation ♥) I might switch to the style that starts with extra health since my boss strategy is to tank most of its stuff @__@

★ I actually did this awhile ago, but mentioned it exactly nowhere: I customized an arcade stick. I'm thinking about painting the chassis with a more fitting color than black, but idk that would probably take more work than I'm willing to do.



I'm getting used to it by playing DoDonPachi Resurrection. My runs have been better overall so far, but I have trouble doing very slight movements with the stick. I'm still using the stock joystick, and I don't know if I should change it out...I'm not sure what the best choice would be for this particular problem. I don't think it's a matter of just switching from a square to an octagonal gate, since I don't have any issue with diagonal movements. Switching to something with high-tension sounds like it might help but I don't know for sure. I wish I knew where to ask around for help with these things. x_x

★ Taken from tumblr: For ten days, I post an image from a video game that has impacted me without a single explanation and nominate somebody to take the challenge.

Tsukihime


I have a lot of mixed feelings about Type-Moon's writing, but I like Tsukihime a lot.

today's tag is masu_trout! ♥

I'm definitely not ready for this test tomorrow :D

EDIT: I really needed to spend the bulk of the day studying but I cleaned up the living room and put up Christmas decorations instead because I'm great at procrastinating. At least the living room looks inviting and festive now, i guess.

I have not used my Switch as much as I thought but it's also the last week of class and I'm working on job applications which is a lot more tedious than I remembered. Should have a lot of free time this weekend to really dig into Let's Go Pikachu :D

It's been a pretty quiet day so there's not much to talk about orz

★ I finished up a bunch of paperwork for job related stuff today, then started studying for my phlebotomy class tomorrow...and ended up falling asleep for two hours W H O O P S. I got a call from the pharmacy for a refilled prescription during that time frame as well, so I started errands at, oh, 8:30 this evening. I also managed to get all the way to the post office before realizing I'd left the mail at home, so I had to drive back home then back to the post office. Also also, some of the main roads were washed out from the melting snowbanks and rain today, so I had to take several detours each way.

Then, because I'm a basic bitch at heart, I stopped at a Dunkin' Donuts to get a pumpkin spice coffee but they had closed, like, 10 minutes before I got there. I probably should have gone straight home after that, but I felt like I had to get SOMETHING I wanted but didn't really need tonight so I drove 5 miles down the road to a different Dunkin' Donuts that I knew would be open because I used to stop by there when I had an overnight shift in the area. Then it took 15 minutes to get home because of the aforementioned water issue. I might not be making the best life decisions right now...but at least the coffee was nice and I had a lot of it.

★ Game stuff: I did part of the tutorial in Blazblue Cross Tag Battle, and even though it uses a 4 button layout with only two of those buttons meant for attacking (the other two are dedicated to tag-related stuff) I still found it difficult to grasp beyond, like, the basics of autocombo and dedicated instant overhead moves. ~_~

I don't expect much from the story and nothing in the prologue suggests that I was wrong in this assumption, but I am glad to hear the dub voices for Blazblue again. I disliked Centralfiction's story and I think some of that is because I had to read its' vast amounts of stupid exposition instead of listening to it. Like it's a bit easier to tolerate walls of boring text when someone is passionately trying to sell it to you. And I've always preferred Noel's dub voice.

I played a few rounds of Overwatch and Soulcalibur VI. Nothing particularly exciting happened in Overwatch although I had a few games where dudes were mildly toxic about me picking Ashe >:| Also I headshot a blinking Tracer!!!, so now I have to quit Overwatch forever because I'm sure that will be my peak.

I was just grinding out the "play x number of matches online" type achievements in SCVI and ended up with an exactly 50% winrate, a rank up and a ragequit. Yay? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

★ I've been...thinking about writing fic lately. Which doesn't amount to much, I suppose, but given that I haven't considered fic for months (years?) until Kinktober this year, it's a significant change for *me,* lol. It mostly boils down to no one writing the porn I want to read but tbh that's always been my single greatest writing motivator.

wrt writing explicit material, I remember reading a tweet somewhere that suggested starting with the sex scene first which sounds like maybe a good idea? I often give up writing a thing because I lose motivation to get to 'the good part' which is always the strongest scene in my mind when I'm starting...so maybe starting at the part that is most interesting gives enough motivation to slog through the rest of the fic. Maybe something to try for next month.

Hello everyone! I hope you had a lovely Thursday wherever you are, whether or not it was a holiday for you. :)

Today's Thanksgiving was the last year my aunt will host dinner, which she's done for the past 30 (give or take a few) years. I thought things would get melancholy because of that, but it was a very mellow, pleasant affair all around which was nice. It also highlighted why it's probably a good change of pace for the extended family to make plans that don't boil down to "go to aunt's house" as people arrive later and leave earlier each year--everyone is busy both the day before and the day after the holiday, and travelling by car gets worse every year. (especially in the Metro-Boston area where my aunt lives) The effort involved in having everyone at one place for one day is tipping pretty heavily towards "not worth it" so now is as good a time as any to end the tradition.

In retrospect, I can't really remember anything specific about the past 10 or so Thanksgivings; it's not that I didn't enjoy them, but they were simply...pleasant? The memories I have from my childhood all the way up to college are etched in my mind so clearly it feels as if they happened today, but after that...? And maybe that's why I didn't feel much sadness over a tradition that we've held for as long as I can remember. If the purpose of Thanksgiving is to help us appreciate the bonds we have with our family and friends, this particular way of celebrating has run its course. Things will be different next year, but I'm looking forward to visiting the parts of the family that haven't been able to make it to the "big" Thanksgiving we have in Massachusetts.

I'm glad that in this matter, ending a long-standing family tradition feels like a natural end rather than something that stopped because of loss as is often the case. It it might be a bit strange to say this, but I am thankful that today was calm and uneventful, and left me with warm feelings and excitement for what lies ahead, not anxiety due to the unknown.

★ seeing as today is 11/20 it's everyone's obligation to listen to DJ nagureo's 20,november, an early Bemani masterpiece.

★ i have no idea what i am doing for thanksgiving this year WHOOPS. well, okay, that is a bit of an exaggeration, i have some idea of where I'm going, it's just that several family members are holding Thanksgiving celebrations and i've been invited to all of them???? i was just planning to visit my aunt since this is the last year she is hosting Thanksgiving, but given how many other dinners are being hosted this year i am trying to fit in at least one more during the day. the travel conditions are Not Looking Good, unfortunately, so i may just stick with the one dinner.

★ been waffling on whether or not to get a Nintendo Switch this holiday season, and with the slate of upcoming games in the upcoming months i'm leaning a lot more towards 'yes' than 'no' these days. thing is, i barely have enough time to play all the games i have right now so i don't exactly need another console to buy exclusives i might not play due to the time crunch. On the other hand, one reason i've been playing my X1 almost exclusively for the past few months is because my brother and sister and I all play Overwatch together; we're all ready for a change but there's nothing on the X1 that appeals to all 3 of us. The Switch looks like it might be a better fit for our multiplayer needs right now.

★ there's been a lot of tumblr drama over a recent string of unexpected blog deletions, the tumblr app being deleted from the Apple store, and tumblr posts with links not showing up in tags...there is a lot of misinformation and speculation being bandied about as to why all these things are happening, but i haven't followed it too closely because i don't follow tumblr stuff all that much these days beyond stalking rarepair tags and dead fandoms.

BUT. this not-fully-understood blog deletion thing has people seeking tumblr alternatives, one of them being PillowFort, which is some kind of tumblr/twitter/dreamwidth hybrid service that is in closed beta ATM. I am a big sucker for trying out new social media platforms intended to compete with tumblr/twitter even though i think it's almost impossible for them to succeed (RIP imzy, you lasted not even a year) and I really want to try this one out...there is a $5 "donation" fee to get an invite into the beta though. That's not an issue for me personally but i know that's a pretty big hurdle for lots of people for a variety of reasons, and if there's not a lot of people already in the beta that share my interests (video games, almost exclusively) I probably won't post much, if anything, on my own.

I am mulling over donating enough to get several invite codes and then distributing them to friends and others who a) blog about gaming and b) are interested in trying out another social media site. The last part is the hard one because I don't think a lot of people are SO dissatisfied with twitter or tumblr that they're inclined to abandon them entirely for a new platform that does the same things but...different.

★ i've been getting a lot of ideas for fics recently, but no motivation to actually write them out lol. but, having ideas at all is better than not having any.

I'm trying to tell myself that, if all i want to do is Porn Without Plot for rarepairs i don't need to justify it, that i should just PUT IT OUT THERE, but that's easier said than done when you are full of self-loathing and depression.