who wants to see something awful?

[terabient]

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

as you may already know, i am a big fan of Valentine's Day though not for the obvious reason i.e. celebrating our relationships with loved ones. no, i love Valentine's Day because it is a shining example of desperate consumerism combining with a deep, universal emotion to ruin everybody's day.

naturally, this has led to the truly bizarre phenomenon we know as candy hearts Valentine's Day cards: slips of cardboard with pictures of things that may or may not have something to do with love and text that usually involves the brutal abuse of puns.

this year, i'd like to share some 'vintage' Valentine's Day cards that demonstrate the long and storied history of humanity's supreme suckage on this holiday. behind the cut you will find creative proportions (even for cartoons), mind-crushingly awful punnery, blatant and grotesque racist caricatures, unintentionally dirty imagery, and motherfucking terrifying clowns - essentially, images that will likely haunt your dreams for weeks.


oh god what is happening to that poor horse




well THIS isn't suggestive at all!


nothing says 'sexy' like a shapely, big-lipped fish in a short skirt! aaawwww yeah


if i saw a face in a flower i would die from horror


dirty and culturally insensitive, truly a winner on all fronts!


it's never too early to start being submissive


threats of infidelity are very romantic and won't backfire at all


okay, spider webs, and what looks like...a girl eating hearts from a box? i think this is supposed to be a warning of some sort




if someone sent me a clown card i would fucking kick them in the teeth




sombrero and siesta puns? really, 1950s America? really?




continuing a long tradition of brutal Native American Indian abuse - it's love!


i would say my white half is shriveling up and dying from shame in the face of my asian half but interracial identity doesn't work that way, except maybe today.






i'd just like to reiterate: somebody conceived of these cards, somebody(ies) manufactured them, others bought them and finally the people who received them probably thought they were funny/cute.

hooray america


what

what

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Comments

[kuragecircus.livejournal.com]

Dude, I swear to fucking Christ, I either saw that fucking fat clown Valentine card or got it from my grandmother one year. :|

[terabient]

that's the most horrible story i've ever heard :c

[lustychan.livejournal.com]

Most of those makes me want to barf, or are just frightening.

[terabient]

the fish one seems to go above and beyond the call of duty to creep you the fuck out, imo

:x

[snapcakes.livejournal.com]

I love VDay because I love any excuse to give/receive candy and chocolate and pink stuff and stupid cards and presents and because its initials are VD!! I mean, there is just no other holiday shorthand that appropriate in all the western world.

I thought I could not possibly be more uncomfortable with anything after You heap fine, Valentine and then you sprang I want to am where you is on me. YOU WIN.

[terabient]

ahahahaha how on earth did i miss VD until now?

the melon-cholly one makes me want to punch babies >:|

[snapcakes.livejournal.com]

I actually only noticed it when I saw a postcard with VDay slapped across it in big beveled letters and went all HAHAHAHA VENEREAL DISEASE wait what oh nvm.

wow i think i actually blocked that one out until you mentioned it

[kizna1200.livejournal.com]

Wow, and I thought some of the Valentine's cards being sold this year were bad D:

[terabient]

i know, this makes me glad i am living in a much better and enlightened time, relatively speaking.

the pig in a dress with a top will baffle me forever.

[elbarto252.livejournal.com]

I think I just vomited in rage right now...what.