terabient

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

as you may already know, i am a big fan of Valentine's Day though not for the obvious reason i.e. celebrating our relationships with loved ones. no, i love Valentine's Day because it is a shining example of desperate consumerism combining with a deep, universal emotion to ruin everybody's day.

naturally, this has led to the truly bizarre phenomenon we know as ~~candy hearts~~ Valentine's Day cards: slips of cardboard with pictures of things that may or may not have something to do with love and text that usually involves the brutal abuse of puns.

this year, i'd like to share some 'vintage' Valentine's Day cards that demonstrate the long and storied history of humanity's supreme suckage on this holiday. behind the cut you will find creative proportions (even for cartoons), mind-crushingly awful punnery, blatant and grotesque racist caricatures, unintentionally dirty imagery, and motherfucking terrifying clowns - essentially, images that will likely haunt your dreams for weeks.

oh god what is happening to that poor horse

well THIS isn't suggestive at all!

nothing says 'sexy' like a shapely, big-lipped fish in a short skirt! aaawwww yeah

if i saw a face in a flower i would die from horror

dirty and culturally insensitive, truly a winner on all fronts!

it's never too early to start being submissive

threats of infidelity are very romantic and won't backfire at all

okay, spider webs, and what looks like...a girl eating hearts from a box? i think this is supposed to be a warning of some sort

if someone sent me a clown card i would fucking kick them in the teeth

sombrero and siesta puns? really, 1950s America? really?

continuing a long tradition of brutal Native American Indian abuse - it's love!

i would say my white half is shriveling up and dying from shame in the face of my asian half but interracial identity doesn't work that way, except maybe today.

i'd just like to reiterate: somebody conceived of these cards, somebody(ies) manufactured them, others bought them and finally the people who received them probably thought they were funny/cute.

hooray america