why do i keep these people on my facebook

[terabient]

OLD NEWS: Various colleges and states are cracking down on the distribution and use of caffeinated alcoholic beverages such as 4 Loko, on the grounds that they kill stupid people. i 100% support this crackdown, not because i am concerned with the well being of stupid people - quite the opposite, in fact. i am against 4 Loko because if it's unintentional suicide you're trying to achieve at your BADASS, FIRST SEMESTER FRESHMAN PARTY, 4 Loko is an inefficient, shitty-tasting drink that comes in a eye-searingly ugly can.

man, when i was in college everyone was drinking jager bombs, which is just jager + red bull. (i am pretty sure the people who actually over 21 are still doing this.) ANYWAY the only warnings THAT concoction (and others like it) got was a little blurb one evening on the local news that basically said 'hey maybe this is dangerous?' REALLY. YA THINK?

anyway the point is that kids shouldn't be upset that 4 Loko and/or other pre-mixed energy/alcohol drinks are getting banned because ffs, is it really that hard to go get two drinks (energy drink + whatever alcoholic beverage you prefer) instead of one, then mix them together when you want to get your coma on? it's not that much more expensive, and you'll have leftovers should anyone survive your party so you can make multiple trips to the emergency room. SCOOOOORE!

aaand bitches really need to stop protesting the not-even-happened-officially-yet ban with the whole 'but it's not as dangerous as self-mixed stuff' bullshit passing as an argument that i have been seeing on teh facebooooooks lately. y'alls are calling it blackout in a can, CLEARLY responsible drinking is not the issue here. at least with your own potentially murderous mixes, you are aware it is potentially murderous; you're not drinking a six pack of beer or whatever a can of 4 Loko is supposedly like, and thinking you just drank a smirnoff ice.

clearly college kids just like to protest shit that doesn't matter because wow, this is the biggest non-issue in the history of non-issues. boo-hoo-hoo, you might lose your cheap and nasty drink that you use as a crutch in lieu of an actual interesting personality, THE WORLD IS ENDING AND IT'S ALL BIG GOVERNMENT'S FAULT. go die in a fire pls (or i dunno, drink 4 Loko and die in a puddle of your own vomit, whatever you want to do)

***
okay it's story time now!

all this talk about energy drinks reminds me of the time energy drinks nearly killed me! :Db i have told this story a lot, because it is a cautionary tale and also, in retrospect, pretty hilarious. in fact i am fairly certain i have told this story not once but multiple times to certain persons featured on AWESOME PEOPLE ONLY, and i also reiterated it at this Thanksgiving dinner because somehow the topic of energy drinks was a thing this year.

SO. in the fall semester of my senior year, i was taking, oh god now i can't even remember, like seven courses, one of which was a senior psychology seminar, and in addition to the final projects in these classes i also had to submit a preliminary version of my senior portfolio. on the surface of things, that might not sound very difficult, but in fact it ended up being a hellish assignment, as we were required to refine and critique our observations of our projects from earlier courses - in addition to a more vague 'self-assessment' which was mostly a two-page 'LOOK AT ME! GOLD STARS PLZ' cheerfest.

i was also the treasurer of the Glee Club (lol) at the time and as our Winter Concert was taking place just before finals, I had to regularly field calls and make shopping trips; i was the only one authorized to spend money and request refunds from the college bursar. FUN TIMES FOR ALL.

This meant that, despite my best efforts, I knew I was going to pull an all-nighter at some point. i tried to prepare for this eventuality as best i could, which basically meant 'buy energy drinks in case you start crashing at a crucial moment.'

THIS DID NOT GO WELL.

in my old journal, janeinpodunk, i have a flocked entry that is really just a log of my Night of Energy Drink Misery, written approximately three hours after drinking four drinks in roughly as many hours. i am reposting it here so that all interested parties can stand belated witness to my epic foolishness.

7.00 pm
make decision to put off portfolio preparation to go shopping with Tanya for a 'winter wonderland' basket. SUCCESS.

8.30 pm
drop Tanya off at fac. realize important portfolio documents are on computer at apartment. mood: fucked

8.45 pm
quick stop & shop...stop. buy 4-case of amp 'just in case.' in retrospect: good idea.

9.15 pm
at apartment. decide to finish off portfolio in room and print out at regis later. estimated time of completion: 12.00 am

12.00 am
totally not finished. vision starts to blur: drink first can of amp. mood: omg don't fall asleep

1.00 am
alarmingly sleepy. drink second can of amp. approximately halfway through the worst portfolio ever. mood: SHIT

2.00 am
wide awake. sudden urge to dance. portfolio status: almost done

2.45 am
thirsty. drink half of 3rd amp can. singing 'somewhere over the rainbow' to self. portfolio status: finished, really shitty parts being revised.

3.00 am
finish 3rd can of amp. arms strangely sore. portfolio status: nearing completion.

3.30 am
make conclusion: worst resume and cover letter ever. anticipated grade: wtf is this? mood: twitchy

3.45 am
take fastest shower ever. ruin time saved by taking forever to dress. realization: i need to do laundry.

4.20 am
get into car with last can of amp. experience rush of caffine faster than a fatty racing to the buffet table. mood: totally awesome

4.30 am
begin stupid in-car dance. mood: damn i've got mad skillz

4.50 am
arrive at regis. run up hill leading to college hall. mood: I'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN

5.00 am
computer lab. run around computer lab. probably scared the one girl in the corner. try to figure out how many hours left until morning seminar. conclude that 9 - 5 = 6 hours. realization: something is terribly wrong.

5.15-6.00 am
twitching reaches mildly frightening levels. print out portfolio. realization: i am a bombastic bitch.

6.10 am
hay el-jay, what's up? <3

6.30 am
have not composed any notes for seminiar. still need to write paper on studies i haven't read. mood: whoops.

This ends before the inevitable crash, which from what i can recall, began around 1pm as my senior seminar was starting. i don't remember much of what happened during that time - i know i wandered around the science building in a catatonic stupor until one of my professors gently ushered me into my classroom, where i spent most of my time trying to keep from falling asleep on my desk and drooling all over my papers. after that, i know i had a serious crisis while weighing my desperate need for sleep with the horrible reality that i didn't live on campus and would have to brave Massachusetts afternoon traffic to actually get to my bed and pass out. i know i eventually chose to risk a deadly pile up and drove home, but i honestly don't know how i got there - my memory literally blacks out when i try to remember what happened after i got behind the wheel. i do remember waking up a few times in my room trying to ascertain what time it was and if i needed to be somewhere, then going 'fuck it my brain is full of cotton' and going to sleep again.

i regained full consciousness at 5pm...the next day.

IN CONCLUSION, that is why i don't have energy drinks anymore!

i cheated like a husband on this entry I HOPE NO ONE NOTICED

Comments

[kap1.livejournal.com]

Pssssst. Nice job posting half of a blog at 11:59pm and then updating it later. That plan NEVAR fails!

[terabient]

shhhhhhhhhh! :O

[elbarto252.livejournal.com]

Lol, have you read this?

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=caffeine-alcohol-mix-dangerous

A couple students in my lab were talking about trying it before it became illegal. Since I didn't know them too well, I didn't really say anything but just stood there like this o___o. Blah.

I've only had a few all nighters in my whole college so far. I don't think I study nearly as hard as some of my classmates nor have I ever tried any energy drink...does that mean I'm not dedicated enough? Is that responsible for a few lousy grades, crappy mornings? I dunno, but thankfully I'm still sane and able to retain information! XD

Glad the energy drink thing ended with college (I hope...). If my life after college needed it, I quit!!

[terabient]

ahh, Scientific American, always telling the public what it already knows!

okay, okay, that was a unfair dig. the public doesn't understand science and definitely doesn't read Scientific American. HEEY-OO! but yeah, there's not a whole lot that is surprising there. the actual nitty-gritty is interesting, but man, even when i was an eensy-weensy frosh in college, the big draw of stuff like jager bombs and coolwater wasn't that you could drink more - it was because everyone knew that you'd starting acting really weird, really fast.

and! i'll be honest - my older cousin (he's 30) and i talked about trying it out since it's really hard not to have one's interest piqued after so much coverage - but we quickly concluded that it would be a bad idea. i mean, we both felt way too old to be trying something so hard when we're both mature adults (ostensibly) and just, 5 beers and 5 coffees, damn. getting that drunk with just one shitty drink seems to defeat the purpose of drinking parties. all the good ones have lots of different drinks and inventive mixes, that's the FUN part. being drunk is the sometimes amusing, mostly irritating side effect.

in college, i technically only had...i think four genuine all-nighters, and those were all years when i was taking six or more courses. not so much a desire to do a SUPER AWESOME JOB or because i left too much at the last minute (although there was some of that, naturally XD ) just...so much work to slog through. :c sometimes it wasn't even that hard, there was just SO MUCH.

ugh, just the smell of energy drinks makes me ill now. luckily my adult life doesn't require nearly as much caffeine. :)

[theplaidsheep.livejournal.com]

My gods, that sounds insane! Now my husband tells me that when he was delivering car glass - many years ago - it took him all over the county and usually in the middle of the night. At it's worst he was drinking six packs of red bull to stay alert... now he's a big bloke, but I can't imagine what he must have been like. That said he drinks a stupid amount of coffee at work, and I haven't really noticed that he's any livelier when he gets home - usually tired after his 10 hour shift.

I don't know, I've never touched the stuff since the firsts sip nearly made me vomit from the sweetness. Yours is most definitely a cautionary tale.:p

Now, perhaps I'm showing my age here, but there was no mixing of energy drinks and alcohol when I was at uni - I don't think it was heard of - no, we just poured whatever spirits and fruit juice we had into a giant terracotta planter and watched it change colour throughout the evening. I thought that was hard-core at the time. To be honest I think it still is, mixing your drinks is never a good idea. But honestly, I feel sorry for the families of those kids at uni who do this shit and lose them to it. I mean, what an awful, undignified way to die. Perhaps such idiocy is part of natural selection...

Now I am a night-owl, I have a hard time being lively or productive of a morning, my (joke) shamanic name is Not Before Nine - and that's only if you want coherent conversation. Therefore during my final year last semester when it was all work and no lectures I used to get up midday and work through till 3.30 in the morning. I have pulled the all-nighters here and there, and have discovered I have up to 36 hours before my eyes start seeing things.

[terabient]

yeah, i really don't have that much caffeine and i know on that day in particular, i didn't have anything prior to the energy drink binge. when i did get to chugging 4 in 4 hours, i wasn't really thinking about the...aftermath, as it were. i was only thinking about the initial jolt.

those drinks are like soda in that they make you thirstier afterwords, too. that was another reason i ended up having so many, i was so thirsty and they were all right there! if i had put them all in the refrigerator, instead of next to me, i probably wouldn't have had them all at once. XD

as for mixed drinks - iirc it was the *NEW AND HIP* thing to do while i was in school. also when i traveled to England energy drink mixes didn't seem very popular the way they were/are in Boston. but, i really only visited a few places in England so i can't really compare.

we just poured whatever spirits and fruit juice we had into a giant terracotta planter and watched it change colour throughout the evening.

XD there's one drink that's VERY popular here, Green Eyed monster, which is just Hennessey, Hpnotiq and pineapple juice, and i suspect a lot of people liked it because it went from bright blue to bright green....that's why i liked it, anyway. it was an awfully sweet drink. it was also on the pricey side if you were buying them in bars or clubs, around $14 depending on where you went.

on that note, the pricing of drinks like 4 Loko are what surprise me. i haven't tried one myself, but apparently they are only $2.50 a can which is crazy, you can't even get a shitty mass-produced six-pack of beer for that cheap! that, and it's sold at gas-station convenience stores - where hard liquor isn't available and tbh, the ID checks are lacking. the potential danger of 4 Loko is just as high as hard liquor, but it's sold and marketed as if its a low risk product like wine coolers or beer. it's pretty telling that nearly all of the students who have abused 4 Loko are underage (for America) and have little or no experience with drinking.

i have the weirdest sleeping schedule, nights and early mornings are no problem for me but no matter how much or how little sleep i've gotten, i'll always feel tired around 1pm-6pm. o_O

[lustychan.livejournal.com]

I really love your story time. For realz.

[terabient]

I TRY MY BEST

(also, how have you been?! ^o^ )